Now let me digress a bit. Do you know I had a similar experience not so long ago? This
time the positions were reversed. I was the ‘child’ who was in control, and the other
person was the ‘mother’ in a manner of speaking, even if I am almost sure I am older
biologically. And yes, the argument was about another spiritual issue on which we held
diametrically opposed positions. However this topic was not so important to me and not
long after it started, I personally had decided it was something we could both agree to
disagree on it and let it go. But I guess it take two for even that!
After a while of back and forth, I requested earnestly that we end that particular topic
and talk about other things. I don’t think my protagonist even heard me.
She would not let it go. At a point, I think I might have considered doing what you did to
me but I felt she just might have seen it as a victory and I didn’t want to give her that
benefit. So, rather, I continued speaking, which meant, as such conversations tend to be,
that we both were speaking at the same time and not listening to each other.
My words were basically to plead continuously for an end to the debate since I would
never agree with her while hers was more of the same. She did not stop. I do not quite
recall what eventually made her stop, but when she finally did, she did so with a flourish
….
‘I know you will never agree. You are always like that…’ or something to that effect.
Wow! Did that hit me! A mixture of feelings.
The first, I think, was that I was somewhat taken aback. You see, in spite of our relatively
limited closeness, I had made up my mind a long time ago that she was ‘like that’! To my
mind, it actually described her to a ‘t’! Fancy her using those same words to describe me!
Second, was disappointment I think. You see, I know I can be unyielding when I felt I
had good reason for it — as in our case. Besides, such has been said of me many times in
the past so I already accepted there must be something to it. So no skin off my back.. or
at least not much. Whis is why I never ever, introduced such scathing remarks during an
argument, even in the Case of the Nail Polish, which as you will see later is quite a
ridiculous thing to argue about!
My disappointment therefore led to some irritation as expressed by the thought: Does
she ever examine herself? You see, the way I saw it, it takes two to tango, and as they say,
those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. I felt that if she did, she would
have hesitated to put it quite that way!
Fourth, I was pleased that my ‘resistance’ had hit a spot. Because you see, I had only
recently decided, as proximity brought us closer, to start resisting her ‘opinionated’
stance on issues. So, not only was I relieved to do so in this case, but I was also happy to
note from her frustrated remark, that she now understood that I would no longer back
down for her.
Then finally came the pain, because I got the feeling the comment was a kind of lashing
out at me and it was meant to hurt. And perhaps even more so because I had this
niggling suspicion that she was playing the role of some sort of ‘defender’ for another
mutual friend. In other words, I might have been a topic of discussion between them. I
think that hurt most. Imagine that. A suspicion hurt most. Just like in your case. Does
that make me different from others, do you think?
I’ve mulled over it and think I should share my reasoning with you for whatever it’s
worth. I feet it’s one thing to talk about someone behind her back; its another to push
their biased agreement on the face of that person. My feelings about her was personal
and exclusive to me and not based on my discussion with anybody else. And any case, I
am not sure I am not the kind of person that would play ‘defender’ on behalf of someone
else although in a more brazen and timely manner where my intentions are well
understood.
But I think this is a good time to digress a a bit again. I feel the need to quickly stress
again that this was just a suspicion on my part. Suspicion is not good for anyone. Devil’s
game it is. But aren’t we all prone to it? I thank God that I came to this realization a while
back and examine it seriously when it happens. I bother mostly because, you see, I am
sometimes right. In which case, the correct word to describe my feeling becomes
discernment. God give us the wisdom and the grace to always distinguish between
suspicion and discernment before it causes the havoc the enemy wants.
In conclusion, all is well that ends well. This experience shifted the basis of our
friendship. She now understands I will no longer defer to her. And I am better protected
from any future barbs from her. Because you see, and perhaps I should have mentioned
it sooner, this was someone who had confessed more than once to me that she had a
challenge controlling her tongue, and to whom I had in turn confessed my out-
spokenness and bluntness. It was clear that we both know our failings and confessed
them to each another as the Bible enjoins. And by extension, we would pray for ourselves
and hopefully for each other. Indeed, all things do work together for good to those who
love God and are called according to His purposes.
As is typical of senior citizens, this reminds me of another experience…
BUT THAT WILL BE FOR THE NEXT TIME