Now let me digress a bit. Do you know I had a similar experience not so long ago? This time the positions were reversed. I was the ‘child’ who was in control, and the other person was the ‘mother’ in a manner of speaking, even if I am almost sure I am older biologically. And yes, the argument was about another spiritual issue on which we held diametrically opposed positions. However this topic was not so important to me and not long after it started, I personally had decided it was something we could both agree to disagree on it and let it go. But I guess it takes two for even that!
After a while of back and forth, I requested earnestly that we end that particular topic and talk about other things. I don’t think my protagonist even heard me. She would not let it go. At a point, I think I might have considered doing what you did to me but I felt she just might have seen it as a victory and I didn’t want to give her that benefit. So, rather, I continued speaking, which meant, as such conversations tend to be, that we both were speaking at the same time and not listening to each other.
My words were basically to plead continuously for an end to the debate since I would never agree with her while hers was more of the same. She did not stop. I do not quite recall what eventually made her stop, but when she finally did, she did so with a flourish ….‘I know you will never agree. You are always like that…’ or something to that effect.
Wow! Did that hit me! A mixture of feelings.
The first, I think, was that I was somewhat taken aback. You see, in spite of our relatively limited closeness, I had made up my mind a long time ago that she was ‘like that’! To my mind, it actually described her to a ‘t’! Fancy her using those same words to describe me!
Second, was disappointment I think. You see, I know I can be unyielding when I felt I had good reason for it — as in our case, dear daughter. Besides, such has been said of me many times in the past so I already accepted there must be something to it. So no skin off my back.. or at least not much. Which is why I never ever introduced such scathing remarks during an argument, even in the Case of the Nail Polish, which as you will see later, is quite a ridiculous thing to argue about!
My disappointment therefore led to some irritation as expressed by the thought: Does she ever examine herself? You see, the way I saw it, it takes two to tango, and as they say, those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. I felt that if she did, she would have hesitated to put it quite that way!
Fourth, I was pleased that my ‘resistance’ had hit a spot. Because you see, I had only recently decided, as proximity brought us closer, to start resisting her ‘opinionated’ stance on issues. So, not only was I relieved to do so in this case, but I was also happy to note from her frustrated remark, that she now understood that I would no longer back down for her.
Then finally came the pain, because I got the feeling the comment was a kind of lashing out at me and it was meant to hurt. And perhaps even more so because I had this niggling suspicion that she was playing the role of some sort of ‘defender’ for another mutual friend. In other words, I might have been a topic of discussion between them. I think that hurt most. Imagine that. A suspicion hurt most. Just like in your case. Does that make me different from others, do you think?
I’ve mulled over it and think I should share my reasoning with you for whatever it’s worth. I feel it’s one thing to talk about someone behind her back; it’s another to push their biased agreement on the face of the third party. My feelings about her was personal and exclusive to me and not based on my discussion with anybody else. And in any case, I am not sure I am not the kind of person that would play ‘defender’ on behalf of someone else. although in a more brazen, direct, and timely manner where my intentions are well understood.
I think this is a good time to digress a bit again. I feel the need to quickly stress again that this was just a suspicion on my part. Suspicion is not good for anyone. Devil’s game it is. But aren’t we all prone to it? I thank God that I came to this realization a while back and always examine it seriously when I suspect that might be the case. I bother mostly because, you see, it sometimes turns out that I am right. In which case, the correct word to describe my feeling becomes discernment.
God give us the wisdom and the grace to always distinguish between suspicion and discernment before it causes the havoc the enemy wants.
In conclusion, all is well that ends well. This experience shifted the basis of our friendship. She now understands I will no longer defer to her. And I am better protected from any future barbs from her. Because you see, and perhaps I should have mentioned it sooner, this was someone who had confessed more than once to me that she had a challenge controlling her tongue, and to whom I had in turn confessed my out-spoken and blunt nature. It was clear that we both know our failings and confessed them to each another as the Bible enjoins. And by extension, we would pray for ourselves and hopefully for each other.
Indeed, all things do work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes.
As is typical of senior citizens, this reminds me of another experience…BUT THAT WILL BE FOR THE NEXT TIME ☺