Dear daughter….
That sudden silence was painfully exquisite. Yes, a strange way to put it, right?
It was exquisite in the mastery of self-control it conferred on you, and painful in its weirdly excessive duration.
Yes, that word weird is likely to appear several times in this treatise. But I will explain as best as I can, and I hope you will understand. Fortunately, this is effortlessly under your complete control. You can trash it, take a break, read again, and hold your pro or con decision without having to deal with any other person or views person. Just a few of the things I love about the written word.
Where on earth did you learn that art of going silent in the face of a heated debate? Certainly not from me. I rarely zip it until I have had my say.
Wow! The end of your silence was a bit weird though. If you ask me, it turned what would have been golden turned to bronze… still an award winning performance I guess. But I know you. Summa cum laude or nothing else for you. Another difference between us two.
It turned to bronze, first because of its suddenness at the beginning, and finally because of the subsequent unnecessarily long duration. You should have seen the confused expression on my face when it started… and my amazed but amused face after I went silent too, waiting to see if and when you would break it. And break it you did. Come to think of it, perhaps I’ll give you a summa cum laude for that! It was pretty smooth! That should make you happy!
But my dear, I feel I owe you an explanation for my passionate reaction. You see, I put great stock on that subject. And I guess I had assumed everyone of like faith felt the same way. I therefore panicked a bit to discover that you had issues with it. I mean, how could you not agree with such a basic part of knowing God? I felt we simply had to reach an understanding on it. And I am still not sure we did although I am hoping that communication was the problem and not the fact of it.
But then again, I suspect that deep-rooted resentment stemming from the legalistic approach to our common Faith that you were subjected in your young age. As I keep on trying to make you understand, my dear, even for that, you can be thankful, you know. Because what you are today is the sum of what you have been taught all your life! You see, God takes each one of us through different stages for our own good. And it is for each one of us to seek out His purposes in it and rejoice that even then, He was with us or we wouldn’t be where we are today. Good can come of anything if we allow God to show us why it had to be so. That was what gave Joseph such peace and generosity of heart.
And isn’t it wonderful to know today that what you have been through in the past can be of invaluable help to those who are going through similar things today? Isn’t it wonderful to know that that you have grown since then? How else can I reassure you that growth and progress is part of our spiritual life? And that the day you stop moving beyond what you thought you knew in the past is the day you die spiritually? To speak for myself, I have reached a point in my spiritual life where I panic if I do not experience a better understanding of God and His Ways. My constant prayer is to see God more clearly, love Him more dearly, and follow Him more nearly day by day. And I add hear Him more clearly to the bargain. Know that chorus by any chance? If not, I must sing it to you someday.
The most beautiful part of it all is the ever-growing assurance that God answers prayers.
Ask, seek, knock… and praise the Lord at times, for new every morning is His love. So why don’t you just relax and move on. And while you may feel or even say you have, your occasional reaction especially when you are sharing with me who have never ceased to reassure you that I understand exactly why you may feel that way, makes it clear to me you have not. You seem to want to over-compensate and shift to the other extreme. But I assure you that is not going to help you much.
I guess that is why I was desperate to have you hear me out on this! Having come to this Truth at a relatively advanced age, I guess I felt compelled to impress it on you as the representative of the younger generation. I wanted to get you to understand at all cost, to engrave it in your consciousness that youthfulness is no excuse for any contrary position on this. If you research deeper on this I am sure you will discover from Bible accounts that it is fundamental to propelling a young person into his or her destiny.
Quite frankly, I consider it one of my most precious legacy to you. Towards the end, I allowed myself to be distracted from my objective by the seemingly unending silence. You see, I had decided I would not be the one to end it because I had a niggling feeling it was more of a protest than anything else! Yet another reason the medal descended to bronze. Which also explains why even now, in spite of your ‘bronze-gilded’ yielding of the floor to me, I am still concerned that you might not be convinced.
THE CASE OF THE SHARP-TONGUED MUM
Now let me digress a bit. Do you know I had a similar experience not so long ago? This time the positions were reversed. I was the ‘child’ who was in control, and the other person was the ‘mother’ in a manner of speaking, even if I am almost sure I am older biologically. And yes, the argument was about another spiritual issue on which we held diametrically opposed positions. However this topic was not so important to me and not long after it started, I personally had decided it was something we could both agree to disagree on it and let it go. But I guess it take two for even that!
After a while of back and forth, I requested earnestly that we end that particular topic and talk about other things. I don’t think my protagonist even heard me.
She would not let it go. At a point, I think I might have considered doing what you did to me but I felt she just might have seen it as a victory and I didn’t want to give her that benefit. So, rather, I continued speaking, which meant, as such conversations tend to be, that we both were speaking at the same time and not listening to each other.
My words were basically to plead continuously for an end to the debate since I would never agree with her while hers was more of the same. She did not stop. I do not quite recall what eventually made her stop, but when she finally did, she did so with a flourish ….
‘I know you will never agree. You are always like that…’ or something to that effect.
Wow! Did that hit me! A mixture of feelings.
The first, I think, was that I was somewhat taken aback. You see, in spite of our relatively limited closeness, I had made up my mind a long time ago that she was ‘like that’! To my mind, it actually described her to a ‘t’! Fancy her using those same words to describe me!
Second, was disappointment I think. You see, I know I can be unyielding when I felt I had good reason for it — as in our case. Besides, such has been said of me many times in the past so I already accepted there must be something to it. So no skin off my back.. or at least not much. Whis is why I never ever, introduced such scathing remarks during an argument, even in the Case of the Nail Polish, which as you will see later is quite a ridiculous thing to argue about!
My disappointment therefore led to some irritation as expressed by the thought: Does she ever examine herself? You see, the way I saw it, it takes two to tango, and as they say, those who live in glass houses should not throw stones. I felt that if she did, she would have hesitated to put it quite that way!
Fourth, I was pleased that my ‘resistance’ had hit a spot. Because you see, I had only recently decided, as proximity brought us closer, to start resisting her ‘opinionated’ stance on issues. So, not only was I relieved to do so in this case, but I was also happy to note from her frustrated remark, that she now understood that I would no longer back down for her.
Then finally came the pain, because I got the feeling the comment was a kind of lashing out at me and it was meant to hurt. And perhaps even more so because I had this niggling suspicion that she was playing the role of some sort of ‘defender’ for another mutual friend. In other words, I might have been a topic of discussion between them. I think that hurt most. Imagine that. A suspicion hurt most. Just like in your case. Does that make me different from others, do you think?
I’ve mulled over it and think I should share my reasoning with you for whatever it’s worth. I feet it’s one thing to talk about someone behind her back; its another to push their biased agreement on the face of that person. My feelings about her was personal and exclusive to me and not based on my discussion with anybody else. And any case, I am not sure I am not the kind of person that would play ‘defender’ on behalf of someone else although in a more brazen and timely manner where my intentions are well understood.
But I think this is a good time to digress a a bit again. I feel the need to quickly stress again that this was just a suspicion on my part. Suspicion is not good for anyone. Devil’s game it is. But aren’t we all prone to it? I thank God that I came to this realization a while back and examine it seriously when it happens. I bother mostly because, you see, I am sometimes right. In which case, the correct word to describe my feeling becomes discernment. God give us the wisdom and the grace to always distinguish between suspicion and discernment before it causes the havoc the enemy wants.
In conclusion, all is well that ends well. This experience shifted the basis of our friendship. She now understands I will no longer defer to her. And I am better protected from any future barbs from her. Because you see, and perhaps I should have mentioned it sooner, this was someone who had confessed more than once to me that she had a challenge controlling her tongue, and to whom I had in turn confessed my out-spokenness and bluntness. It was clear that we both know our failings and confessed them to each another as the Bible enjoins. And by extension, we would pray for ourselves and hopefully for each other. Indeed, all things do work together for good to those who love God and are called according to His purposes.
As is typical of senior citizens, this reminds me of another experience…
BUT THAT WILL BE FOR THE NEXT TIME