Sometimes, I shock myself with the level of my frugality. In all fairness to myself, I am not a miser. Parting with money is not a problem to me once I am sure I want to do so. Let me not bore you with the process I undergo before I take that decision. But do please understand that I certainly do not come under the group of people that can be referred to as “A fool and his money are soon parted”. Since this saying comes from Proverbs chapter 21, verse 20, I feel no reason to blush when I say I am not that sort of fool.
But that is not to say that I have never considered myself a fool when I hand out money. But that usually occurs with scammer-employers, colleagues, service providers, skilled workers or ‘brethren’ (sisters included naturally) of which many exist in the world today. Nota Bene. The scammer applies to all the groups mentioned and others not mentioned. And in such cases, I usually only discover after the fact when a contract has been breached.
As to whether I am generous or not, I leave that to God, and perhaps others who might have benefited from it. But one thing is sure, I always try to give with purpose, meaning and peace, even if not always joy.
And by the way, if you consider generosity also includes forgiving a debt, I can boldly say that I am ordinarily not generous. While I can tolerate a debtors that at least acknowledge their indebtedness, seem genuinely sorry about it, and seem to have a good reason for the situation, I cannot abide those who play the silent or disappearing game. This last comment should make it obvious to you that I have not always been this way. And that I learned the hard way.
Which further explains the rigorous process I now go through before I part with my money. And in case this gives you the impression that it would be almost impossible for people to owe me and perhaps, for me to be duped by people now, let me assure you that it nevertheless still happens. They are willy, you see. And relentless. They device new tactics all the time. For example, ‘Debt relief’ appeals through manipulation for example. But that is not to say either that I ever was one to ‘soon’ part with my money.
But what I hate most about it is how I feel when I get swindled. A mixture of anger, hurt, embarrassment… and anger again. And it lasts a bit as I do not easily forget about financial debts owed or extorted from me. But Ithank God I do forget eventually. Faster now that it has become less frequent, than before, thank God. In fact, it has happened at least once that one of such called me from the blues to apologize profusely and I had forgotten completely about him and who he was, until he reminded me, to his woe, since it would appear he was only doing so to get some more! That one got what I hope was a biblical viewpoint of his request that was very different from what he probably had expected. I felt good about it too.
But there is another such incident that surprised me myself greatly. And let me assure you that I am not proud to recount it. But just so you get the picture clearly, and perhaps learn from it about the ancillary effects of swindlers’ activities, which I consider lying borrowers and ‘quoters’ to be. Lying being the operative word here.
There was this other person that owed me money and disappeared for years. I honestly declare that I forgot completely about it over the years. Time must have been very useful there. I did not run across him for decades and never expected to ever do so. As I said, I had forgotten completely about it. However, fate brought us together after about thirty years, and immediately, the first time I saw him in 30 whole years, it all came flooding back. Hey! This was the guy that owed me and never paid. I think I despised him a bit for that but I never took him up on it. You see, I had been blessed beyond expectations over the years and did not miss the money at all. What really amazed me was the way it all came flooding back.
Do you think such people forget too? I doubt it very much. God did not create man like that. There is always that thing called conscience following you around. So, well, while he too seemed to have made progress in life, he dropped a notch in my esteem. He probably could have redeemed himself somewhat if he had brought it up, but he never did. And we ran across each other often enough seeing that we were both working in the same establishment again.
Each time I came across him, all I felt was amazement… at myself for remembering and not caring. Even feeling a certain sorrow for him about how embarrassed he probably was, and the fact that he lost that notch in my esteem! But I didn’t show it. I didn’t need to because I was again far far his senior in the establishment, even more than before. And because I noted a certain embarrassment in his deference to me.
Bottom-line: Givers never lack. Debtors never… this is a quiz. Come Up with something please. My creative juice has nothing to offer.
I remember another younger colleague I loved so much who used the ‘fire brigade’ tactic to wheedle a loan out of me. Yes that is yet another strategy of lying debtors. As it turned out, he never had any intention of paying me back. Nor was he apologetic in his recalcitrance when I finally took him up on it. He simply avoided me until our ways parted. I still have not run into him till today. But anytime I stumble across his name, regardless of the context and who shares it with him, I remember him and the pain of betrayal surges briefly even as it is doing now! No, not anger. Just sadness that a budding friendship with great potentials was truncated because of money. I think I also pity, or is it despise him a little for considering money such a big deal.
Hey! Enough of this kind of digression! So many coming back…Rather, let me digress to the biblical doctrine of Restitution. Meeenhn! It is so relevant in life! It is taught in many ways, depending on the church denomination or movement.
The approach I like best is the simplest and goes like this. It teaches that any true Christian must make it a practice to apologize for any wrong thing he does against another person. It is based on the ultimate Truth that one is only reconciled to God after exercising, in practical terms, the faith that God will pardon any sin on the condition that it is preceded by sincere repentance and confession because Jesus Christ has already paid for it. The Doctrine of Restitution now takes off from this by stating that the conscience of any one who has truly been brought alive by the Holy Spirit, will neither be comfortable nor peaceful if it continues to harbour, embrace or hide some types of sins.
It’s something like this. Imagine for example someone who has stolen say, a shirt from his friend, and now claims to be converted to Christ. Wearing that stolen shirt, he goes ahead to share his new faith with the friend from whom he stole the shirt, hoping to convert him! What do you think would be the reaction of that unconverted friend? Not only will he not believe him, but it could probably put him off Christianity.
So, the salvation of that person brought to question, since it may be seen as a sure proof that he has not received the grace and power to overcome sin that the Holy Spirit gives those who have truly surrendered to Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour. The practice of restitution therefore, should start from conversion and continue all life long. A famous biblical character who seemed to have understood this was Nicodemus, the supposedly crooked Tax collector who, in order to demonstrate his great desire to receive Jesus, without being taught, publicly declared his preparedness to return four times the money he had fraudulently extorted from any tax payers, and furthermore, give half of his assets away to the poor. (Although I personally suspect that Nicodemus made such a bold declaration because he knew nobody could accuse him of that because he never did it!!!)
As can be deduced from above, it is saying in other words that above anything else, Christian life is lived in a practical manner. Therefore, when one has enjoyed full forth-giveness (my words) from God, and received His peace and joy comes with it, one should seek to consolidate that peace and joy in his or her own life on earth by seeking same of men. In doing so, he will glorify such a loving God before men, not only by constantly extending same to those who are indebted to (wronged) him, but also by seeking same from those he is indebted to. It further states that this should be done in the spirit of humility and Agape Love, which is the greatest of ‘these’. In case you don’t quite get that, first Corinthians, chapter 13 in the Bible will clarify it to you. It is a way of granting closure, peace, love, or whatever you wish to call it, to the other person, and indirectly yourself regardless of the cost to you.
To break it down further, if you have robbed anyone of anything (including human beings, as in snatching someone’s wife or daughter (living with a woman without parent’s approval), property, reputation (false witness by deliberately telling lies about the person) etc. you must seek to settle the matter with the person you have wronged.
Enough digression for now. Back to the surprise of joy.
More than once, I have shocked myself about the way I try to save a buck when spending on myself! There are some that come to mind that I am quite ashamed to share with you. But then again, this is not always the case. There are some spending I do on myself that I consider priority and do so without batting an eye. But this account does not start with any of those. It starts with the over-frugal, over-thrifty type. Which is why I wonder how it ended in so much joy for me! God does work in mysterious ways.
How on earth did I get so far away from the main topic???!!! Well, that’s one of the many prerogatives of senior citizens. Hope you haven’t been too bored so far.
Ah! Now I remember. My frugal nature.
Well this is how it links up with the joyful surprise. I had opted for a by the gig plan for my phone, in an attempt to save money. I, at least wanted to try a cheaper plan to see how far it got me. I didn’t really use the internet much, I thought.
Well, less than two weeks into the plan, using the data very sparingly, I get a surprise alert that I has not only used up my 1 gig data, but that I have exceeded it by 5 gig. Of course it was very suspicious to me since I had specifically requested that I be alerted when I reached 80% of the first gig. After several confusing long calls to my service provider to complain, and to protest against the very excessive bill am supposed to have run up on data use (five times more than I had expected!), I took the path of least resistance, and decided to change to the unlimited plan.
How unlimited that is, we are yet to see. Official escroquerie abounds in the world today. Tiring.
In any case, now determined to fully exploit the use of my unlimited data, I decided to make a call to one of my nephews. One could arguably say he was my closest relative. We were more friends than relatives.
The fact is that in spite of his having come to mind pretty often, I had deliberately postponed the call partly because of my limited data plan. But I had other reasons. For example, I knew he was going through a very busy and delicate period at work. Also, I always wanted quality time when we talked so I usually prefer him to call because that would mean he had the time to chat. My texts to him were regular though. And I knew he would try his best to keep up with them at his convenience since we discussed some of them when we eventually talked. Once in a long while though, I do call not necessarily expecting him to pick. The idea was just to sensitize him to the long silence and he eventually responds. My new unlimited data plan spurred me to to make one of those of those calls this Thursday afternoon.
Since I thought it was a work day, I was pleasantly surprised when he picked sounding quite relaxed. I eventually discovered it was actually a public holiday where he was.
No, this is not what all this is about. The more pleasant surprise was that after a sentence or two, he informed me that there were two people with him who wanted to speak to me! Somehow, from the sound of his voice, I knew it couldn’t be his sister or brother — both his parents had passed — and although we had tons of other relatives in common, he would not have introduced them the way he did.
I laughed somewhat nervously and tried to pry the information out of him. It dawned on me that I was not the type that liked the guessing game.
He passed the telephone to the first person. A man’s voice spoke and mentioned his name. Bam! One of my ‘babies’ I had not seen in years! Slightly embarrassed because, while I remembered the name clearly (they were second cousins of some sort) and could vaguely put a face to it, this was someone I had not been in contact with for some twenty years at least! I therefore knew I didn’t have much to say to him, apart from enquiring after his parents. Any other thing I had to say would have to be questions — about his present life and situation, and that didn’t sound like a warm enough conversation to me.
But it turned out I had nothing to worry about. He was so effusive in his speech that I could hardly get a word in! He seemed to remember me very well. He excitedly complimented me on my voice, which according to him had not changed. He spoke about my how much he loved my ever wide smile, which he was sure was still the same. Finally, he recalled details of one unforgettable childhood experience which I was instrumental in bringing about.
I was completely blank and wondering if he had made a mistake as I could hardly recall any such occasion. Thank God I did not need to speak. Apparently, I had involved him and his brother in the production of a Raleigh bike advertisement when they were children. It would seem to have been one of the highlights of their boyhood days, and they consequently had very fond and obviously long-lasting memories of me because of that! Just imagine! Something so little that I didn’t even think twice of! In fact, an occasion well into the past, a day that must probably have been all in a day’s job to me that I could still barely recall it, had marked a young man with children so positively! I wondered at the mysterious ways of God. Just a little relational investment… and so much reward. Spread your grain across the seas, and in time, profits will flow back to you!!! Ecclesiastes chapter 11 verse 1. The Word of God is always so on spot!!!
After managing to get a word in, all the while thinking that the girl who got this one was very lucky (he was so charming! And it is rare for me to use this word to describe anyone), I inquired discretely about his life. We chatted bit before he finally passed me on to his brother.
My relief was great in that now that I knew they had such fond memories of me, I was now better prepared to speak to his brother. While I had expected a bit of the same, his brother hit me with a different kind of pleasant surprise.
Yes, he continued a bit from where his sibling had left off. But he went further still to talk about their father’s sister whom I had bonded with so well within such a very short time, and through whom, and because of whom I had become so close to the entire family! I have such pleasant memories of her but she hardly came to mind because, you see, she passed on at childbirth shortly after we met.
But those short weeks we related closely were one of the highlights of my teenage years!!! And the memories came flooding back.
I only discovered I had a relative on campus during a violent students protest on campus. She was a lecturer on campus and since the students’ grievance was towards the government and not the University administration this time, my father linked me up with her and told me to stay with her until things calmed down.
Now, you need to understand that I am ordinarily a reserved person and I was meeting her for the first time. But I can not recall ever being reserved with her. She had a little son who was also part of the bond. We would go to the Staff club pool and she would encourage me on my swimming and tried to give me some tips. It was so much fun and made me feel very special
Another thing about my aunty (whom I called ‘sister’) was that she loved music, She had lots and lots of old albums and it turned out we loved the same type of music. When she played them, we would sing joyfully along . Yes, that was another thing we both had in common. We loved to sing.
Anyway, one day, ‘sister’ decided we had to dance as well. She dragged me up from where I was sitting, and we both waltzed around her little sitting room, singing happily as we danced. The spontaneity. The joy. The simplicity. The love. It was one of the most memorable days of my life!
She is long gone now, but I was struck by the fact that she too might not have remembered that occasion so clearly, if she was still alive. To her, maybe she was just being herself and had many such occasions to remember this one in particular. But to me, it was special. And I was only reminded of it because I decided to be a bit less thrifty in my spending.
How God does work in mysterious ways!!! What a very loving way to teach me an important lesson. And how I must work harder to be a bit less frugal in spending on me!
THE END